we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize