I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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