She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
