You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
