Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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