strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
