i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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