What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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