Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
