blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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