you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
