I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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