i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
