What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
