I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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