I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
