I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
