great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
