mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't special order awesome
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize