Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
