It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
