how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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