Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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