Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
