Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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