I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
