She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I still have a little drunk in my system
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
