I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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