Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
