I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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