I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you win again, gameday.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
