i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
