Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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