What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
