I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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