guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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