Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
