he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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