Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
