its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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