when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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