Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
