Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
