Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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