Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
