Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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