Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So. Much. Porn.
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