Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize