Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
