I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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