it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
