my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So here I am, sexting at work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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