There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
