I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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