Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
