I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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