For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
