youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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