guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
