4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
