she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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