i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
