Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
