I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
