More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
