I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
