just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
