well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize