I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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