There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
