Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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