it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
