Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Shame - the story of my life.
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