I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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