It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize