I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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