I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
love makes seman taste better
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
