before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
