Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
