Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
