Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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