Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
