shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
