wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
