I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
