If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
