How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Too much gin, very little bucket
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
