Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
