so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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