my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want to make out with him forever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
