i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
