Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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