I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
