No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize