i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
tell me about the eggs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
